Now, I have to tell you that I have lots of Nephews. Lots of perfect, fabulous nephews. I seriously love them hard. I mean it. I couldn't love them more. It's not that I was anti-boy, it was something else. To this day I'm not really sure why I felt the way I did. But I can tell you this: What happened was my dream come true.
Fast forward to December 16, 2010 with me. Hughes and I were newly licensed to Foster 2 and unders. I got a call from CPS about a three day old boy who needed a home. I was excited as I headed over to pick him up. I was excited to finally mother a little boy. I was excited, but I didn't understand, not really. I didn't get it. Everything in my heart was about to change forever. My whole outlook on my organized life, really. It all started that day.
I loved him fiercely from the minute I got home. I thought about him constantly, I held him constantly, I marveled about his boyness constantly.
As he grew, and developed his boy-sonality, I was done for. I had no idea this was what the boy thing was about. He was so different, so much more aggressive, more loud even. That baby was all boy.
He lights up with joy when he sees Hughes, and that simultaneously melts and breaks my heart. The look between a boy and his daddy. Unforgettable.
I found myself dreaming of getting lots of boys. Hughes says that boys need brothers. Well then, I thought, lets get some brothers. I can do this. I LOVE this even. I love it so much.
We may be able to keep this boy. It's possible, but not very likely. This is a fact we have known from day one, even though his situation is always changing. We were going to have him for 2 months, and then 6. He is now 7 months and he is still here with me. Thank Goodness.
If he does go, and I know that he probably will, I just want him to know that I owe him forever. Because he is the one who had me fall in love with boy-ness. He is the one who brought me the absolute joy of being a boy mother. When Hughes and I have 4 boys someday, and we will, it will be all because of him. My baby. My little boy baby.
You have changed me forever. I love everything about you, always have, always will. Until the day I die I will remember the way you looked at me and your big hazel eyes and your happy laugh. I will remember the hours I have spent holding you, rocking you, marveling over you. I will remember that you were always exactly the right size, not too big, not too little. I will remember how much you love your bottle and hate baby food. I will remember that nothing much upset you. I will remember that you loved Olive without fear. I will remember that you were never scared of water and never cried in the tub. Mostly, I will remember that I was your Mommy. You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I will never, ever, ever, EVER forget you.