Not. Panicking.

Please excuse me while I use the next 59 blog posts

pretending that I am fine with her leaving.

She is moving to Utah for Summer Semester,

just to get out into the World.

And then she probably won't come back.....she has big plans.

Which will be documented when they happen.....

Boo!

I know.  I already have a daughter out of the house.

I should be old hat at this.

But I am beginning to realize that I am going to be one of those

unbalanced (yes, I said it)

Mothers who have a little bit of a nervous breakdown

when every single kid leaves.

I don't want them to leave me.

I know they have to, and that this is what I have prepared them for.

But it hurts.

Alot.

And to add insult to injury, I was cleaning off my desktop (again)

and I found this.

I have no idea what I wrote it for, or if there even was a reason.

But whatever the reason, it was true then.

And it's true now.

March 26, 2011

My Little Logan:

I think you already know how proud I am of you. I tell you all of the time. So in this letter I’m going to tell you all of the reasons I am so proud of you:

1. You don’t let me down. You are a good girl who does what is expected of you. You don’t do stupid things with boys or beer or anything else. You go to church, you go to seminary, you love your sisters and your parents and you are the most respectful teenager I’ve ever raised. This may sound trite, that you never let me down. But it’s not. It is the biggest gift you could give to your Mother. And I really, really, really appreciate it.

2. Even though your personality is not that of an average teenager, you have made your peace with it and have figured out how to navigate through high school and life and be happy. I know this was such a struggle for you, and I am so happy and proud that you have figured it out. I still want you to be involved in your high school, but I understand that high school

doesn’t have to be your life to make you happy. You are one smart girl.

3. You love me unconditionally, even with all of my faults. You have been patient and understanding with me. I know sometimes I’m hard, because I expect so much of you and I get really upset sometimes when you don’t do the things you should. But the way you love me through it no matter what is so unbelievable and I appreciate it so much. I can honestly look you in the eyes and say MOST of the time I have tried my best to be a good parent to you, and

it’s really hard to be a single parent. I know you realize that and forgive me for my mistakes. I will always, always be so grateful to you for that.

4. You are an exceptional example to all of your sisters. You won’t know how much I appreciate that until you have your own daughter. Words can’t express how proud I am of the sister you are. Thank you.

5. You got your YW award. You will be on the HP board forever. THAT’S MY GIRL. I knew you would do it.

6. You are ridiculously pretty.

7. You have an unerring sense of style.

8. I love your hair.

You are a great girl and you will do great things in your life. Don’t EVER let yourself or your Heavenly Father down, and things will be smooth sailing. And trust me, you deserve some smooth sailing. It’s all up to you!! I know you will do it.

Love Forever,

Mom

I can do this.

She will be fine.

I will be fine.

I can do this.

Did I say that already?