Wednesday, March 20, 2013

To Be Me.

Dear Hughes:
We both know you are awesome.
Everyone does, really.
Especially older ladies.
What is WITH you and older ladies, anyways?

But this letter isn't about that.
This letter is a thank you for just loving me.
Just loving who I am and everything about me.
Thank you so much.

You support me no matter what.
No one has ever done that for me, ever.
No one.
Until you.

You know who I am, really.
The real me.
People might think they know the real me, but they don't.
Trust me they don't.
They have a conceived notion of me,
and they hold tight to it.
But not you.
You let me be who I really am.

You let me be the kind of Mother I need to be.
You let me defend my children against all matter who they are.
Even if they are someone close, who I would otherwise be nice too.
When they really need to be defended, you support me while I go in swinging.
Because you know that if a child doesn't have it's Mother to defend him,
who does he have really?
And you know it is important for me to stand in the gap for my kids.
And you support me doing that, always.
You don't worry about the other guy...
because the other guy probably has his own Mother.
And our kids need me.
You get that.
Thank you for getting that.
You would be surprised at the people who don't get that.

You roll with my OCDish fast-paced organized brain.
I know you would rather live a more laid-back life.
But you know I just can't.
And so you support me in our life.
Sometimes you even be the drill-sergeant instead of me!
That is my favorite.

You don't even roll your eyes anymore when I 
make a dinner plate for my almost 20-year-old.
Because I have been making her a dinner plate and
wrapping it in tinfoil and putting it in the fridge since she was
10 years old.  That is when she started missing dinner because
of gymnastics.  And now she misses it because of work or school.  And 
you know I need to do that because I just need to be her Mommy for
just a little while longer.  Because she will leave me soon.
When other people would tell me to knock it off,  she can make her own plate, you don't.
Thank you for that.

Only you know how hard I try to be good.
To be a good person.
To be a good parent.
To be a good Christian, and a good missionary.
No one else thinks those things of me like you do.
Thank you for that.

This past year, I have decided to quit letting my life be run by bullies.
By people who try to define who I am, to fit into their agendas.
No matter who they are.
Because I have been bullied long enough.
You know that before you, for 38 years, I was alone.
All alone in the trenches....fighting for my life really.
First just for my emotional survival. And then fighting to raise my girls alone 
and be a good person and a good mother.
You know it's hard for me to relax.
To trust people.
And so you are patient with me
Thank you for that.

You know, the crazy thing is, I trusted you instantly.
Even though when we first met I threw a white-out bottle at you.
I always trusted you.

And I have always loved you.
Well, since December 21, 2007 anyways.

Thank you for letting me be me.
I always knew, deep down inside, that I was great, just the way I am.
Thank you for proving me right.

Nothing could ever make me stop loving you.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.